Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Goodbye blanket of denial! Covering up with blame!

You left me feeling chilly, denial. Blame is warming me now.

I can't deny it any longer. Colby is going blind. OK, so that sounds so melodramatic, but seriously she is losing her sight and it is affecting her performance and daily life. Affecting her performance in agility so that I must be smart and not allow her to do things that put her in danger or chip away at her trust in me, like what happened at the trial last weekend. She forgave me, I think. The trial was an "eye opener", .......geez, pun intended, a BAD one, but hey................ She can barely open her eyes on a bright sunny day! She has PRA - Progressive Retinal Atrophy. This was diagnosed last year, although as I looked through her photos I think it started long before. My photographer friend, Helen Peppe, was always complaining about Colby squinting!

The eye is made up of the cornea (outer part that covers the eye), the lens (the colored part that allows light in) and the retina (the back part of the eye that is essentially the "film", allowing light to be processed into colors and signals through nerves to the brain). The retina has photo receptors, rods and cones, and those break down and deteriorate with PRA. This is what Colby has. Asking her to judge jumps and tunnels and walk a long plank or teeter in agility is not such a good idea any more. Perhaps mid-summer when the sun is high and shadows not so bad we will see how it goes. Yesterday, when that photo was taken, it was extremely bright out and she managed to catch Charlee Bears in her mouth, so her day light sight isn't so bad, yet. Her ability to see in low light and shadows and her night vision is definitely affected. The other night she nearly refused the stairs before bed, then did them ever so slowly. I may put some bright marker, or paint some shape (how about a yellow paw print!!), on my risers. Right now my stairs are pine board with dark maroon painted risers.

It's sad, I can't deny this any longer. I want to cast blame. I blame my vet for not seeing it sooner (it isn't treatable, so what good does that do?). I sometimes think I should have waited to do her knee surgery until her eyes broke down more. That would have given us those six months to compete, instead she was recovering from knee surgery. Having those months back with good eye sight would be nice. but would that have been good? I dunno. I wish her ophthalmologist had prepared me better. I DID ask for advice on her doing agility and what to look for, but she was so vague. I wish for the time and money I spent she had given me more information and guidance. Blame, blame, blame, sure feels about as good as denial. Warm and pink and fuzzy. No...........

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