We wish for a quick death

Damn, that just sounds so dreadful. But, honestly what is dreadful is watching poor little Colby linger on, unhappy and depressed. It just sucks. My friend's dog died over the summer. She just collapsed one day and rushed to the vet where she died a bit later. How sad. Really? Yes, because SHE was not old. Colby is old, she is 14 1/2, maybe not old for a little dog, but old by most standards. And if she just collapsed one day and died it would be nice. Instead, she is diminishing slowly and lingering on in confusion and depression. It sucks. It sucks really bad.

Does she have moments of happiness? Yes, she does. And most of the time she still eats, but sometimes she doesn't even want to eat. Her teeth need cleaning AGAIN, but her BUN is so high we don't really want to put her through anesthesia. She has that strange high BUN with normal creatinine and normal urine specific gravity, so her kidneys are functioning fine, but the high BUN is a stumper. The vets have all discussed it and reviewed her case with experts and we did an ultrasound and can't find a reason for this. There are seemingly no answers and we just carry on. She sleeps most of the time, goes out for walks only if it isn't too sunny. She can't see AT ALL when it is sunny. We get snow this winter and her life is going to suck even more. Right now she barely sees to go potty. I have to carry her in and out of the house, she is now refusing the steps.

I just wish her a swift and painless death. But, she isn't bad enough to put down, yet. There is no reason for that. I don't know, it is painful to watch her linger on and be depressed. She is on prozac, but it isn't really helping. I almost wonder if I should take her off that and see how she does. We did that to help her sleep. She was keeping us up all night and the prozac helps her sleep and we all need our sleep. I try to make her as happy as possible, but it is harder and harder. I pray for no snow this winter as that will make her life even more unpleasant. It just sucks. It just sucks bad...............